Death Of A Friend

Firstly, I would like to say that my ...friend... is not dead, he is dying.
But he will die and soon.
There is no question about it,
he will not get through it this time...



On that note...
His name is David Jullian Newhart and if he were reading this right now he would say that he hates his middle name and that it's so not him . . .
sorry David but... it looks better this way.

David for a very long time was my best friend and even now... I honestly don't know how I am supposed to move on...
He was everything that I had ever wanted and so much more.
To say that I loved him and would do anything for him is a complete understatement.
Honestly... I was even thinking about marriage there for awhile...
I would have loved it, you know.
I would have liked to have been with him forever...
but obviously that isn't an option anymore.
Not that he would've married anyway haha
Or maybe he would have?
I'll never know now...

Anyway
He was my boyfriend (I guess...I have to start using past tense...) and I loved him very much, and even though for a short while there I thought that he didnt love me too I know now that I was just hurt and that he loved me very much... and I will cherish that, honestly for the rest of my life.
His memory will serve me will...
I'm not sure if I will be able to... get past his death
and ever be completely... "normal" again...
maybe the feeling of pain is here to stay...
but I dont think that is what he would want...
still...
How could it not be that way?
I mean ... I loved him so much and I still do
...
You know he had the most raddest hair in the WHOLE world?
It was the first thing I noticed about him...
Second.
His personality

My god... his personality shone through the darkness like a lighthouse on the most stormiest nights at sea... haha and I know how that sounds corny, but ... it's true.
He is the most nicest person I have ever met and probably ever will meet.
He completed me...
How could I ever begin to explain David?
He was very random... he liked candy... he was very weird and a very hyper kid. He was one of those people who would go completely out of their way to help a stranger out. Despite his past and home life which were not the best thing in the world... he was so caring, polite, compassionate, and loving.
He was amazingly nice, beautifully perfect, wonderfully insane, and ridiculously gentle.
He was my best friend, boyfriend, hope, and hero.
He has helped me with every aspect of my life, including teaching me how to love and trust people again. I would not be here right now, if it had not been for him. He is everything to me, and when he's gone I will remember him forever.

It would take an entire novel just to write how much he means to me, and another to write how much he has helped me, and another to write how absolutely amazing he was, and yet another to tell how much for lack of a better sentence I love him. <3

I guess this is the final Rest In Peace.

The Holidays

I wouldn't say that I am Scrooge around the holidays...
I just hate how the holidays tend to bring out the worst in people.
Do you know what I mean?
People are so selfish and wound up tight during the holidays, it is exactly the opposite of what it is supposed to be.
Kids are always-- give me this, and give me that,
and when they actually get it they're not even grateful for it.

And the closer that dreadful day comes (Christmas) the more the adults seem to ... smell it? I guess that's what I could call it... They're running around town going into stores and buying things that they wouldn't normally buy just so that family that they only see once a year can eat, say thanks, and then leave.
Christmas is the most selfish day out of the entire year...
People are always complaining about how much money they're spending--wasting--but never actually do anything about it.
Stop buying things you don't need for a selfish, selfish holiday.

Problem solved.

So I don't like kids... everybody knows it.
... and out of boredom I wrote this...

I predict a riot coming forth from that yonder shadow near the veranda because of the screaming tortured little children who cannot fend for themselves. Their little knickers were all in a twist and they dug their own deep dark graves for the sound of their whining and the smell of their baldness was almost too much to bear . . .
The mothers themselves condemned their poor babies by never helping out with the punch bowl on dancing nights at the middle school disco. Aye never underestimate the power of the yelling and kicking donkey for he will provail. His strength and his mightiness need not a reason to trample the children. It was on their own account that thye were near the stables ...
The presidents of baby control need to do their job for the cruelty of bloodshed from a newborn is
no longer accepted in todays illconceieved reality. Adults now no longer have the morality to kill their children in the hope of pleasing the magical llama lord of llama land.
It absolutely disgusts me to know that people will not acknowledge the fact that maybe just maybe babies are killing off society in more ways than one. Although yes, they are our future..
Who would really want the human race to live on if THESE are the the people taking care of us and leading our gallant generation on? Whoa is the parents who will not sacrifice their babies for the good of human kind.

The more I think about it the more disturbing it sounds...
"The Blind Lead The Blind"
It's like nobody ever does what they really want to do anymore. They just do what everyone else is doing so that they'll "fit in" and be "cool".
I can tell you personally that being in the popular crowd really isn't what it's cracked up to be.
Honestly... you should never sacrifice what you want to be, and who you really are just so that some kids, that you probably wont even be talking to a year or two from now will like you. I mean people are going to judge you no matter where you go, or what you do... so why cause yourself pain?
... It doesn't make sense to me...
Sure, you might not be able to go to prom with the most prettiest girl in the school, but who really cares? Seriously, most pretty girls are pretty hideous on the inside.
I mean, I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to take somebody to the prom with the personality of a venomous snake ready to kill me. It's very ridiculous in my opinion.

Pretty much the moral of this is...
be who you want to be and don't let the hatas get ya down

Pessimistic? I think not.

So tonight I was talking to a friend of mine, for now we'll call her... "Burtha" and I don't remember how, but we got into the subject of the world, and when I asked her why she was so pessimistic her answer was this,

"The world is a just a big pessimistic dump, there is no reason to be optimistic about that. I never get what I want and all kinds of bad things are always happening to me. It's like the world is out to get me."

...I wouldn't say that I am the most optmistic person in the world... but I think that the more you dwell on the past and the more you think about the bad things that happened to you and don't take the time to think about the good things you are being utterly selfish, and difficult.

If people would stop being so selfish they would find that the world really isn't that bad of a place.

I am not saying that it is peaches and sunshine all the time... but when you see the stars and the beautiful mountains... the snow in the winter... people helping people... how can you say that the world is nothing but a big pessimistic dump?

There are plenty of bad things in the world, but I believe that the good surpasses the bad any day.

How can you look at a beautiful world like this, and not see the beauty?